Some people tell me that I’m too honest.
What exactly does that mean? I’ve never understood the term “too honest”. Aside from deliberately hurting the feelings of others with words out of anger, we should always strive to be honest people shouldn’t we? I possess the quality of being a little too blunt sometimes, and just like everything in this life; it has goods and no goods. I was born into a family of loud, opinionated, give no shits women. And I’m not bluffing on that. Honesty was something like a culture in my family. I was brought up around the women in my family telling each other like it is and never sugar coating anything for you, especially if you needed a good word lickin’ by my gramma Clara. She was only five-feet-two-inches tall, but had a loud voice and an even louder mind. Now a lot of people would think my gram was mean, but she wasn’t. She was just honest and it was only mean because it hit you deep, it was truth.
She just didn’t care at all who she said anything to, which of course would mean hurting feelings, but when someone needs some truth what do you do? Someone who disrespects you? Someone you love? Can we even be honest with ourselves these days? Our partners? Our parents? Our friends? Do we always speak up? Is it worth it? Is it necessary to allow the negative words or actions of others haze us into thinking we need to give that energy back to them?
This is what I’m learning still. I struggle with biting my tongue everyday when I know it won’t be beneficial but it is true. I always have, ever since my mother can remember; five years old hitting a girl in the head with a metre stick because she stole my toy and was two times bigger than me. It’s like I was born with the gene “never let anyone think they can walk all over me”. I’ve somewhat learned to tame my honesty now, to know when it benefits, and when it doesn’t. When it’s sincere, and when it’s out of anger.
To know when it’s for the good of the person you’re dishing out that “real” to. It’s easy to react impulsively to every negative situation in our lives, it’s harder to know yourself well enough to decipher what is worth your energy, and what isn’t. Be honest with yourself about that, where you choose to direct your energy is where it will go.