Six Nations is a rough place to grow up – schools in the 80s were merciless. And of all the public schools back then, #8 school on Seneca Road was one of the worst. Bullying stemmed right from the school principal who was eventually charged with misconduct when he broke a student’s arm as a form of discipline.
As an especially small child who was one year ahead of the other pupils I had a difficult time. Each day as I rode the bus, I knew that embarrassment and degradation awaited the moment I entered that building.
Looking back I can see that the constant assault of bullying was physically exhausting – I was constantly “flopped” and put into iron-armed headlocks that felt potentially fatal – but the most damaging aspect of this traumatic childhood experience was the emotional damage that stayed with me most of my life.
Evidently my voice sounded stupid, and my peers wanted to make that clear. I was constantly reminded that my bad eyesight was ridiculous and everyone felt that my glasses and use of big words were very entertaining. My parents took me to church each Sunday so I was obviously the reincarnation of John the Baptist – that was my #8 “nickname”.
Both of my parents worked hard in the middle-class income bracket which meant that on-reserve I was the “rich kid” which really meant that I got new clothes each year and didn’t wear hand-me-downs or second hand clothing. In the eyes of my peers, I deserved to be treated terribly so that I wouldn’t think I was better than anyone else. Bullying was a pre-emptive attack on my pride and boy it worked like a charm – in my teens I wanted to kill myself.
Everything about my life was open to examination and criticism and there was nothing I could do about it. The only positive thing I can remember about my five year stay at #8 was when an older child named Oliver Smith would let me play with his Transformer toys in the dirt. Playing with Transformers was an escape from reality and it was a crucial moment of survival – almost like a desert oasis. Although he was big, he was bullied on a daily basis as well and although we were drastically different in size we were brothers in suffering.
After struggling with alcoholism and drugs abuse for years, I had an appointment with my family physician that changed my life. Doctor Wilson’s certificate in psychology really paid off when he got me to repeat these five magic words — “It’s okay to be Jonathan.”
As the tears flowed down my cheeks I realized that for years I had been running from my true identity, and invented pseudonyms and alternative identities to hide the tiny, four eyed “rich kid” of #8 school. I was a punk rocker, I was a rap star, and I was an activist. I was anything other than myself.
This realization took me on a path of self-exploration until I reached a milestone at the tender age of 28. In my teens I had heard the cliché “love yourself”, and I hated that saying. It was new-age, hippy nonsense as far as I was concerned.
After my personal awakening I could see that it is impossible to love yourself if you don’t know yourself. How can you love someone you don’t really know?
Learning about your true nature isn’t an easy task and it takes sacrifice. In a struggle for balance I empowered myself through self-knowledge. I saw that in an effort to save myself I built upon a false sense of pride and arrogance – so now I am on a journey to replace that with self-confidence and humility instead. This is just one example.
People might wonder why I wear such huge obnoxious glasses, but I see that I was bullied for wearing glasses and now I own it. I have giant Kim-Jong-il style goggles and love every minute of it, if people make fun of them now I can laugh.
I am constantly learning to embrace myself with all my flaws and weaknesses but there are other facets of my personality that I used to hide but am now letting shine.
It wasn’t cool to be a nerd in the 80s like it is now. So I am fully committed to my video game livestream that I work on each and every evening with the passion and dedication of a maniac. I do not apologize for it. My YouTube channel has only 400 subscribers but it makes me happy because I know that is what I was born to do.
Some people are great at playing hockey and it brings them joy. For me when I am playing video games, I am flying like an eagle above the clouds – it is glorious. You need to discover what your core competency is and do that. Author John Eldredge in his book Wild At Heart wrote:
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive, because what the world needs are [people] who have come alive.”
The secret to overcoming bullying is accepting yourself, knowing yourself and someday loving yourself and it is expressed best when you are doing the things you were born to do.
Number 8 school was eventually demolished and a new school was built upon the old stomping grounds. The Everlasting Tree School — a language immersion school — was built for cultural preservation and education. An educator from this school recently sent us a photo of her students wearing Good Minds Stand Up t-shirts; revealing that a site that once symbolized exclusion to me, is now becoming a place of inclusion.
Jonathan Garlow is the publisher of the Two Row Times, and will be present at our Youth Empowerment Summit coming up this Saturday, October 24. For more information on the summit, please see our poster included in this week’s Good Minds Stand Up section.
